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The studies and tribulations of dating while Sikh

A new Singh in the united kingdom has been around the limelight the previous few days after their appearance on a dating tv show called “Take Me Out.” I simply heard about this a show on BBC Radio 1 hosted by Nihal, which you are able to pay attention to with its entirety here. Nihal talks with Param, the dating show contestant, and takes reviews from audience, whom discuss Param’s appearance regarding the show and much more generally whether turban-wearing Sikh men are discriminated against with regards to dating and wedding. As you’ll see within the clip below, as quickly as Param is released, 20 of this 30 females turn their lights off, showing no interest in him. One woman whom left her light in said this woman is enthusiastic about him because she might use Param’s turban to keep her phone.

I suggest checking out Nihal’s conversation regarding the BBC specially starting at around 44:00 into the show if you don’t have enough time to be controlled by the entire thing. One caller known as Jasminder asserts that whenever Param arrived down, it became similar to a comedy show much less such as a sjust how that is dating just how the women and audience reacted. He continues that turban-wearing males frequently feel hidden to females, perhaps maybe not literally, but “when it comes down to really venturing out with some body.”

One thing concerning this discussion struck house for me personally. straight straight Back last year, we talked about several of my challenges whenever it stumbled on dating and insecurity in my own post about dharis:

I became inundated with all the sounds of young feamales in my college casually talking about undesired facial hair as gross or ugly (without any intention to hurt my emotions I’m yes) and their choice for dudes who had been “clean-shaven.”

CLEAN-shaven. The implication being that hair on your face is…dirty?

They are the messages we have from our peers and through the media each day. Therefore naturally we assumed it had been extremely not likely that some of my female classmates would ever want to consider dating some body just like me. The blend of the face that is dirty a patka had been sufficient to cause a lot of anxiety and insecurity with this angsty teenage Singh.

The conversation from the BBC system resonated with numerous ideas and concerns that often swirl around in my own mind in terms of the main topics dating for me personally, and maybe other turban-wearing Sikh males:

Whenever insecurities creep up within my present life that is romantic exactly how much can it be a item associated with the insecurity we felt being a young patka-wearing youngster who was simply bullied in college? experiencing such as an outcast for many of one’s life most definitely takes a cost, just because the methods it manifests are far more slight inside our adulthood. I’m what is eharmony no psychologist, but internalized oppression is very real, so that as a residential district we probably have to take more concrete actions to deal with it, to emancipate ourselves from psychological slavery, as Bob Marley place it.

Is “success” in dating because of our kesh, dharis, and dastars for us directly linked to our level of self-confidence and self-love, or will there always be real barriers/biases/obstacles for us? Let’s be real. Turbans and beards don’t exactly epitomize the required male into the western as well as in Southern Asia for instance. Needless to say, numerous would not think about dating me/us as an effect. I’ve found that lots of individuals, even South Asians and individuals from Sikh backgrounds, make a variety of presumptions right because they see my khuli dhari and my turban, particularly if additionally they learn We don’t beverage. I need to be a person who is incredibly “religious” (a phrase that holds lots of luggage), an individual who is extremely “serious,” probably perhaps perhaps not “fun,” and most certainly not appealing within the sense that is romantic. Needless to say i would want to date n’t anyone whom can be so fast to evaluate in this manner either, but the stark reality is nonetheless difficult. We suspect it operates in far more ways that are subtle.

Will it be a trend that is growing females from Sikh backgrounds not to would you like to date males whom keep their kesh?Г‚ this dilemma came through to the BBC program too, and I’m not actually certain exactly exactly what the truth regarding the situation is. We have definitely seen Sikh ladies who see turban-wearing Singhs much more like brothers much less like anyone to date, it is this actually becoming the norm? Desire is a complicated thing, something which is profoundly shaped because of the culture we reside in. It is clear that individuals in the united states therefore the British are nearly socialized to locate Sikh males appealing, so I’m sure that is important in who Sikh women when you look at the diaspora find attractive. But as paghs and dharis that is untrimmed/unshaved less stylish in Punjab (and Asia generally speaking), maybe our very own community can also be socializing heterosexual females far from being drawn to keshdhari Sikh males. Needless to say it goes one other much too, with keshdhari and even amritdhari Sikh guys having no desire for Sikh ladies who don’t shave or elsewhere eliminate their human anatomy locks. (a pal is doing some research that is fascinating the topic, that I hope she’ll share on TLH a while). Strangely enough, i have to confess that up to now, We have never held it’s place in a partnership having a Sikh woman, rather than as a result of any aware decision of my personal. It’s hard to express precisely what that is about and simply how much of it pertains to this trend, however it is well well worth noting.

Written down this, i will be mostly thinking about setting up a discussion. Just just just What get experiences and findings been? In certain Sikh spaces, conversations about dating at all (and dating it self) are taboo, which just exacerbates these kinds of issues. For Sikh visitors of all of the genders and intimate orientations, maybe you have noticed differences in your experiences dating Sikhs and non-Sikhs, desis and non-desis? Exactly exactly What obstacles maybe you have faced or just just exactly what recommendations have you got?

In the long run, from a partner based on my turban and/or beard while I am sure my Sikh identity has limited the dating pool for me (not to mention fueled my insecurities, especially at a younger age), I can say with confidence that I have never sensed any lack of attraction to me. It is to state, needless to say, that numerous people certainly do find dharis — also khuli dharis — and paghs appealing.